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  • The Absolute Reverse of Noisy Neighbours

    My parents moved in to a three bedroomed semi-detached property in May 2002. The house seemed too good to be true - reasonably priced, new two floor extension including garage, nice gardens and patios both front and back and seemingly a nice neighbourhood. The neighbours who were attached seemed to be very friendly and helpful - both in their fifties and a son in his twenties.



    The first occasion the neighbours knocked on the front door was to complain about the noise from the television in my parents' front room. The time was about 8.00pm and to be fair it was a re-enacment of a civil war battle so my father conceded that perhaps it had been a little too loud.



    On the second occasion my little boy (7 year old) was watching a video in my mother's bedroom (adjoining room to next door) whilst I helped to decorate their kitchen and suddenly he heard loud hammering on the wall and screaming 'will you shut up!' - again this was at 8.10pm at the weekend. My little boy was frightened and came slowly downstairs to tell us what had happened. We told him he must be mistaken and that perhaps they were putting a picture up but he insisted that a man had shouted and hit the wall.



    My father couldn't believe that the seemingly gentle man from next door could do this and that he lacked the manners to come and ask if the TV could be turned down, by the way these two TVs that I am referring to are not big booming TVs. The downstairs TV is a 20 inch mono set and the upstairs TV is a 14 inch portable mono set with a very low volume.



    After about a week the neighbour approached my father and mentioned the incident and my father told him that in future would he mind coming to the front door and telling him personally about the noise and not to bang on the walls as he had frightened his grandson! He apologised for frightening my little boy but reitorated that the noise had been unbearable. My father explained that the TV he was complaining about couldn't possibly make enough noise for it to be unbearable but he would make sure that it was turned down to a minimum.



    A couple of weeks after this I was decorating the ceiling in the loft and I happened to be playing a CD of Glen Miller (hardly Motorhead I think you would agree) on a quite low volume so I could hear if anybody shouted from downstairs. I heard a short conversation and the front door close and the next thing I heard my little boy calling from the floor below "you've got to turn the music off 'cos the man next door can't stand it anymore". I quickly switched the music off and went downstairs to the lounge where my mother was explaining to my dad how she had opened the door to the next door neighbour who had his fists clenched, wild staring eyes and white lips. He was just about containing his fury - after all, he was trying to have his afternoon nap at 3.00pm and all he could hear was this dreadful music. My mother had said that there was no music playing in the house and then remembered that I was in the loft but she didn't know if I was playing anything?!



    There have been other instances including my mother moving her bedroom furniture around because she has been awoken during the night by banging on the wall because she thinks she was snoring.



    This all came to a head this last weekend when these two idiots (there is no other way to describe them) knocked on the door and said they wanted to have a talk about 'Saturday Nights'. This is family night. My brother and his wife and my little boy and myself go round to my parents' house. We have a meal, talk about the week - the men watch might watch the football and this goes on from about 6.00pm to about 10.30pm. We are not an excessively loud family. We do like to talk and live normal lives. My parents are very often in bed by 10.00pm because my mother works from 7.00am to 3.00pm and my father has suffered bad health for about 20 years. During this talk about 'Saturday Nights' it turned into a confrontation where all the incidents were mentioned by both sides. My father had to go back inside the house because he was getting very upset. My mother continued to discuss the problem and informed them that she had been in touch with the Environmental Health office and that she had made every effort to be accommodating by moving the TV sets and beds away from the adjoining walls and going as far as to rearrange furniture so that the noise from conversation would travel the other way. My parents had even planned to have a second lounge/office in the loft conversion where they could play music, games, etc but they had changed their minds and have decided to convert their garage into a second lounge as it is at the other side of the house.



    I know what it is like to have noisy neighbours - blaring music at 4.00am, rugby team parties with loud singing and dancing - so much so that our ornaments fell off the shelves with the vibrations - and my parents do not fall into this category by any stretch of the imagination! Unfortunately we had no help then and I suspect my parents are not going to get any help now. They are being harassed by a selfish lunatic and his brow beaten wife and son. They have even fallen out with the rest of the neighbours over the years over minor disputes.



    I could go on ad nauseum about this but I think you get the picture. Is there any help for my parents?

  • #2
    Originally posted by mari@Mar 11 2003, 3:25 PM

    My parents moved in to a three bedroomed semi-detached property in May 2002.¬* The house seemed too good to be true - reasonably priced, new two floor extension including garage, nice gardens and patios both front and back and seemingly a nice neighbourhood.¬* The neighbours who were attached seemed to be very friendly and helpful - both in their fifties and a son in his twenties.¬*



    The first occasion the neighbours knocked on the front door was to complain about the noise from the television in my parents' front room.¬* The time was about 8.00pm and to be fair it was a re-enacment of a civil war battle so my father conceded that perhaps it had been a little too loud.



    On the second occasion my little boy (7 year old) was watching a video in my mother's bedroom (adjoining room to next door)¬* whilst I helped to decorate their kitchen and suddenly he heard loud hammering on the wall and screaming 'will you shut up!'¬* - again this was at 8.10pm at the weekend.¬* My little boy was frightened and came slowly downstairs to tell us what had happened.¬* We told him he must be mistaken and that perhaps they were putting a picture up but he insisted that a man had shouted and hit the wall.



    My father couldn't believe that the seemingly gentle man from next door could do this and that he lacked the manners to come and ask if the TV could be turned down, by the way these two TVs that I am referring to are not big booming TVs.¬* The downstairs TV is a 20 inch mono set and the upstairs TV is a 14 inch portable mono set with a very low volume.



    After about a week the neighbour approached my father and mentioned the incident and my father told him that in future would he mind coming to the front door and telling him personally about the noise and not to bang on the walls as he had frightened his grandson!¬* He apologised for frightening my little boy but reitorated that the noise had been unbearable.¬* My father explained that the TV he was complaining about couldn't possibly make enough noise for it to be unbearable but he would make sure that it was turned down to a minimum.¬*



    A couple of weeks after this I was decorating the ceiling in the loft and I happened to be playing a CD of Glen Miller (hardly Motorhead I think you would agree) on a quite low volume so I could hear if anybody shouted from downstairs.¬* I heard a short conversation and the front door close and the next thing I heard my little boy calling from the floor below "you've got to turn the music off 'cos the man next door can't stand it anymore".¬* I quickly switched the music off and went downstairs to the lounge where my mother was explaining to my dad how she had opened the door to the next door neighbour who had his fists clenched, wild staring eyes and white lips.¬* He was just about containing his fury - after all, he was trying to have his afternoon nap at 3.00pm and all he could hear was this dreadful music.¬* My mother had said that there was no music playing in the house and then remembered that I was in the loft but she didn't know if I was playing anything?!



    There have been other instances including my mother moving her bedroom furniture around because she has been awoken during the night by banging on the wall because she thinks she was snoring.¬*



    This all came to a head this last weekend when these two idiots (there is no other way to describe them) knocked on the door and said they wanted to have a talk about 'Saturday Nights'.¬* This is family night.¬* My brother and his wife and my little boy and myself go round to my parents' house.¬* We have a meal, talk about the week - the men watch might watch the football and this goes on from about 6.00pm to about 10.30pm.¬* We are not an excessively loud family.¬* We do like to talk and live normal lives.¬* My parents are very often in bed by 10.00pm¬* because my mother works from 7.00am to 3.00pm and my father has suffered bad health for about 20 years.¬* During this talk about 'Saturday Nights' it turned into a confrontation where all the incidents were mentioned by both sides.¬* My father had to go back inside the house because he was getting very upset.¬* My mother continued to discuss the problem and informed them that she had been in touch with the Environmental Health office and that she had made every effort to be accommodating by moving the TV sets and beds away from the adjoining walls and going as far as to rearrange furniture so that the noise from conversation would travel the other way.¬* My parents had even planned to have a second lounge/office in the loft conversion where they could play music, games, etc but they had changed their minds and have decided to convert their garage into a second lounge as it is at the other side of the house.



    I know what it is like to have noisy neighbours - blaring music at 4.00am, rugby team parties with loud singing and dancing - so much so that our ornaments fell off the shelves with the vibrations - and my parents do not fall into this category by any stretch of the imagination!¬* Unfortunately we had no help then and I suspect my parents are not going to get any help now.¬* They are being harassed by a selfish lunatic and his brow beaten wife and son.¬* They have even fallen out with the rest of the neighbours over the years over minor disputes.



    I could go on ad nauseum about this but I think you get the picture.¬* Is there any help for my parents?
    Dear Aquarius -



    Thank you for your extremely prompt reply (how did you manage to read my version of 'War & Peace' and reply so quickly?). I feel better now that I have talked about this to someone independant. I feel so angry that my parents seem to be being bullied but I shall give them your advice and see what transpires.



    Thanks again.



    Mari

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi Mari.



      Sorry to hear of the problems but it does sound as though the situation may be retrievable.



      You mention that your NFH can hear your TV even though you say it is at what you would call a normal volume.



      If this is the case then surely the problem is the same for both sides? Can you hear their TV or music that they play?



      If you can, perhaps you could ask to go round and see if their TV/Hi-Fi is any louder than yours. It will also give you a chance to see how noisy your TV is or isn't. You could then point out that the noise from your TV isn't any worse than what you get from theirs and they may adopt a more reasonable tone.
      Now, these creatures are bringers of death and misery. They will never eat, they will never sleep, and they will never stop.



      We are part of an ancient secret society. For three thousand years we have guarded the Cities and Towns. We are sworn at manhood to do any and all in our power to stop the NFH from ever being reborn into this world.




      So what's the plan?



      Rescue the damsel in distress, stop the bad guys, save the world.

      Comment


      • #4
        Dear Rockbank



        Yes - we can hear their conversation, television and laughing when they have visitors and they vacuum up to three times a day in their lounge but we consider this to be normal 'living' noises. I have three teenagers living in the house adjoining mine and they make even more noise but we wouldn't dream of complaining - they have to have a life and make noise at reasonable times of the day - this includes rowdy conversation, music, tv, excited kids on sleepovers and even arguing but these are normal family, domestic noises. I reitorate that I had noisy neighbours who eventually moved out (thank God) so I do know what suffering with this problem is and I don't think that these neighbours of my parents are being in the slightest bit reasonable. Did I forget to mention that they live below the runway of our local busy airport, in the direct flight path and on a busy main road? I suspect that there may be another agenda here but I am absolutely clueless as to what it may be - could he be a control freak I wonder? His wife and son seem to be terrified of upsetting him - on the other hand his son does row with him and my father and brother have both heard them shouting at eachother but this wasn't excessively noisy either. One could tell that the argument was heated but it wasn't so noisy in my parents house. There again I shall take your advice and pass it on - anything that will help.



        Thanks - Mari

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi mari,

          welcome to our little group!!



          From the replies so far......I think the neighbours last neighbour (before your parents moved in) was aNFH...



          how often have we all said about taking the time to climatise our selves to normal living noises?



          My theory is they had to put up with something and are now supper sensitive, I may be totally wrong! but the way you said about the genn miller music, him being white lipped and fists clenched...it reminded me a little of me...



          the I cant take any more syndrome!



          I think there is a big chance of this getting sorted....mediation would be very good here, most councils offer this service in some way,



          I hope your parents dont get too stressed!

          Comment


          • #6
            Hi Mari.

            Welcome.

            Well i can't believe someone is actually complaining about normal day to dat noise.

            Perhaps your parents NFH should come and read some of the stories on here and then see if he still feels that he needs to moan about the noise level in your parents.

            Imagine what he must be like complaining to the nearby Airport!

            I wish that was your parents living next door to me as normality i could cope with!

            Since joining this site i am amazed at all the different kind of NFH are out there.

            Tracy.

            Comment


            • #7
              Hi Mari,



              I've come late to this thread and I think everybody has covered most points. You said your parents' house seemed too good to be true and maybe the reason was the next door neighbour. If the previous owners had any dispute with him they are obliged by law to state it. Perhaps there was a dispute but nothing that is legally applicable but they wanted to get away from the NFH.



              It does seem very unreasonable that he complains about normal day to day noise. Maybe he is one of those people whose life in not complete unless he is complaining a;bout nothing.



              Anyway, the other members have given you some good advice hopefully it will work. Good luck



              Misty
              "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

              Comment


              • #8
                Dear E-Beth



                Thanks for your support. Actualy the previous occupants of my parents' home were a young family with a couple of small children. It has come to light that did complain about the children making 'children' noises and that the gentleman of the house would watch TV until late but he was so easy going that he probably never even realised that there was a dispute. He would just turn the TV down and then on the next occasion turn it back to its normal level. We also understand that there was an elderly lady living there before and that the NFHs complained about her TV so the lady's son installed a second ariel socket at the far end of the living room (where my parents have their TV now) - but would this be described as a dispute? I think the NFHs are perhaps getting less and less tolerant with age! If there was a question about the previous occupants not declaring that there had been a problem and my parents pursued this with their solicitor, what is the possible outcome? Does anybody know?



                AND



                Dear Badger



                Thank you for your suggestion. My Mum and Dad have already done this and, in effect, it started and ended the confrontation last weekend. Thanks anyway.



                Mari

                Comment


                • #9
                  Badger



                  I'm not entirely sure if my Mum and Dad have access to a mediation service in their Local Authority area. The upshot of the visit to the EHO was that my Mum was advised to carry on as normal as there was nothing the EHO could do until the NFHs complained officially to them.



                  His wife is not at all aggressive, patronising maybe, but I think she is definitely backing him up through misguided loyalty or 'anything for a quiet life at home'!



                  Mari

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hi Mari



                    A belated welcome to the board as I'm coming in late on your posts/this thread, hope you get the info you need and the support (which you will on here!).



                    It's definitely a strange situation, and as E.Beth says, maybe the complaining-neighbours have lived with excessive noise before and are extremely sensitive now, etc. I think your parents have really tried to be careful from what you've posted, and are being more than reasonable. This guy though sounds like he has many issues (the complainer).



                    Hope you come back often

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Dear Badger and Sue



                      Thanks for your advice and to everyone for lending a sympathetic ear. I have shown everything that has been discussed on this page to my parents and they seem to think that a mediator might be the next thing to try.



                      Isn't it a shame that there are so many strange and selfish people in the world - I wish they would all just b****r off!



                      Thanks again - Mari

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hi Mari!



                        Your parents' neighbour sounds exactly like mine, but he can't be, because the neighbours on the other side of mine don't fit your parents' descriptions! If you read 'Poor Tom's situation' you'll see just what I mean... You and your parents have my profound sympathy.



                        We think our neighbour is trying to get us to be silent or move out. He's refused mediation, etc etc. It's hard to try and live with a complete ***** next door, especially if you're normal, and like to be on speaking term with neighbours - which is good for everyone's security in the street, surely? So if your parents can find a way to get him to compromise (mutually, of course) I wish them well. Litigation with neighbours, even when successful in court or out-of-court, doesn't resolve personal problems: our builder and near neighbour took us to court & lost, but they still don't speak to us when we take the kids to school (same school for theirs and ours) etc etc.



                        Take comfort in not being alone - one thing this site has given me.
                        "Poor Tom shall lead thee" (King Lear)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hello Mari,

                          You seem to be getting good advice here.



                          I particularly agree with Badger's characteristic wisdom, having learnt through grim experience that:

                          It is very difficult to avoid confrontation with these characters as they are normally unresponsive to sensible discussion and reasoning.[/b]


                          I must admit the words 'control' and 'freakery' entered my mind on reading your first post.



                          You might have to start keeping a log of incidents. Not a very nice thing but if anything unpleasant occurs log it then put the diary away and forget it. Knocking on your door to moan about ordinary living noises, banging on walls and shouting... sounds like he is the nuisance.



                          I think your family have been tolerant, patient and considerate, from reading your posts.



                          Hopefully this won't degenerate into a full blown feud, years of unpleasantnss, court battles... It sounds to me that your family are genuine, decent folk who would much prefer a happy life (what amazes me is that people actually exist who seem in opposition to this stance).



                          Ever thought of having someone else to stay over there while your parents take a holiday? If the guest likes his music turned up a bit occasionlly it may help him be pleased to see your folks return and appreciate that he has good, considerate neighbours.

                          Good luck. I'd love to see what works here.

                          G.

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