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  • My Story

    Hello, I just typed out a long post and it disappeared so I hope I will not be boring you all with a repeat



    I found this site tonight after searching the net for somewhere I could find people in similar situation to myself. I've read some of the posts and I feel so angry about all those antisocial (lets be honest, nasty) people who love to make the lives of others a misery.



    My problems stretch back almost 20 years. I moved to this house, on a large council estate in the North West and at first it seemed ok. We decided to buy it. Big mistake!! For some reason, probably the fact my husband was a police officer, my children began to get bullied by local kids who would not only bully them but vandalise our property, gardens trampled, stones and eggs thrown at our windows. I wasn't the only object of their attention. I had to call the police time and time again because they were doing the same to an old lady around the corner.



    We live in a "green", houses on three sides of a large green area. Originally ball games were banned but needless to say there were daily games of football. If it had just been small children maybe it woudn't have mattered but older youths also used the area. They didn't care where their footballs went, windows, doors, gardens. If anybody complained they'd have their windows egged or in some instances broken. We've always been afraid to go on holiday and leave the house empty, we did once go on a day trip and came back to find our front window smashed.



    I cannont count the number of times I've contacted the local housing office, or the police, or the Chief constable or our local MP trying to get something done. Most of the time we don't even know who these kids and youths are because they don't live here. Recently I had a letter published in the Daily Mail in which I told of the inaction of the local housing office and the police. Our local newspaper asked me to write a piece about the area. We've been getting our windows egged or mud thrown at them for a few months now. The boys who do it just laugh if you go out to them. The police won't do anything except drive around the green and leave. (That's if they turn up at all)



    Every year gangs of kids invade the green with tons of firewood for Bonfire night. The place is a mess for weeks. For the last two years everybody got letters from the housing office saying bonfires were banned but they were ignored. When I saw the kids smashing down fences for the bonfire, this year, I called the police, they did the usual circuit of the green and left. Then someone from the housing office called me inviting me to a meeting to discuss what had been happening (she'd read my letter in the paper) and I told her about the fences and the police response. She came out, called the police and made them stay until someone came to remove all the wood. One of the kids threw a piece of wood with a nail in at her and some of the mothers came along and began harassing her. She found out how we feel every day! Of course after they all left the kids returned with more wood and had a bonfire.



    At the meeting I mentioned earlier, it was decided to send letters to tenants in the immediate area reminding them of their responsibilities in regards to the behaviour of their children and pointing out that their tenancies might be in jeaopardy. Did this stop the kids? No. Every night since mud or eggs have been thrown at my window and my garden used as a playground! They're outside now, setting off fireworks. Last year the concussion from one of those air bombs shattered my bedroom window!



    I've read some of the other posts on the site and one phrase jumped out at me: "chinese water torture". That is the exact phrase I used when talking to the police inspector at the meeting. The authorities seem to think that because each incident is relatively minor (in their eyes) no damage has been done. But it has. I have become agoraphobic because of these yobs. I am afraid to be in the house alone during the dark winter evenings. My son is a nervous wreck and my husband is suffering from feelings of inadequacy because he feels so helpless. All over the country people are receiving counselling or medication to help them deal with problems like this. How much does that cost and who pays? We mugs, the taxpayer, that's who!



    Sorry if I've ranted on too long, but it's just such a relief to be in contact with people who will understand how I feel
    "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

  • #2
    Hi!



    May I be the first to welcome you to the group, unless someone can type quicker than me!



    I joined today in the early hours of this morning and typed my story as I was kept awake by my Neighbour From Hell. I really do understand what you are going through and so will everyone else who is a member of this group!



    We used to live in a town on a housing estate that sounds very similar. It was once a lovely place to live but again teenagers and children (under the age of prosecution) made our lives a living hell. The parents couldn't care less and I've forgotten the amount of times I used to look out and see children aged 8 upwards smoking under the street lamp outside our house at midnight. The police in our case, I have to say did everything in their power at the time to help us with the homophobia we suffered from and I urge any gay person who is suffering to make that call. But I will say, that in cases of general yobs and gangs cruising the streets of the town, it was the same experience as you. Showing their faces to scare them off and then leave.



    We are a gay couple, and I am not ashamed to say it, and we used to have stones and footballs thrown at our windows, the front door banged day and night. Abuse hurled at us both when inside and outside our home and had our cars repeatedly attacked. I do know what you are going through and I send you all my love and a big hug. I was afraid to walk the streets at night and would sit at home and burst into tears. I would wake at every single noise and I have to say now, I am still trying to get over it and repair the damage this has caused to our relationship. But on the other hand this has made me more stronger and I am not going to let our new NFH ruin our lives again without a big fight!



    20 years is a long time time for you to go through this and you sound like you have a lot of guts and determination and I really admire you!



    We have since left and moved out of town to a flat in a village and are now plagued by our neighbour beneath us. We are lucky in the fact that our Housing Association has listened to us, after a lot of nagging, and are now taking him to court to evict him.



    Our old town has seen a change recently for the better and the areas cleaned up dramatically. I hope this gives you some inspiration or ideas:



    Resident's committees were formed made up of the decent people with morals like you, the members of this group and myself, and they held meetings with the local council, local councillors and the police authority. They drew up petitions and using a "united we stand" front showed the authorities that enough was enough.



    Nothing happened over night, but in groups, the authorities actually took notice and through a lot persiverance they started the ball rolling for change. During this time the housing stock changed to a Housing Association (which doesn't make any difference to be honest - but I will mention it) and they took notice and with the new powers that the police have and anti-social behaviour orders they had purges on these areas, served evictions and cleared the area of "unwanted" visitors.



    In another area, where the residents where frightened they again started up a committee and all clubbed together to pay for a Security Guard at night to patrol that area. The crime rate dropped dramatically. This was some years ago and if my memory serves me correctly everyone paid £1 a week towards the chappies wages.



    In our experience with Housing Associations/Councils you have to nag, until you are blue in the face. With our new problem, we got together and made up a petition and forced our Housing Association to meet up with us and got them to listen. Before this, we made call after call and hardly ever did we get called back. My advice is to put as much as you can in writing, ask people their names in telephone conversations and keep a log. Send letters special or recorded delivery or fax them and follow it up with a call to confirm it's receipt, again taking the name of the person you spoke to.



    I remember some time ago about another area of the UK getting together again but taking it in turns to patrol the area themselves in twos if I remember correctly, rather like the "Guardian Angels". They got kitted out with Camcorders, Radios and mobile phones and with working closely with the police they managed to turn the whole area around.



    I do hope I have given you some inspiration as I feel you really want to change things, but make no mention of moving. We don't want to move either and don't see at the moment why we should.



    This group is great and I wish I had found it earlier. I am sure that lots of other people will offer you some more advice, different ideas and support with your problem. It is always good to hear of other experiences and solutions and see if you can tailor anything to help in your situation.



    Take care, please keep coming back to the group and talking to us. Also check out the humour page, it had me in stitches this morning and even got my NFH to shut up for a while I was laughing that loudly. Well, I am off to make a patrol of my property to check for any damage!



    Bestest wishes



    Michael

    Comment


    • #3
      Greetings Mistyeyedreamer,

      I have just got in from work (10.30!) otherwise I would have tried to acknowledge your post sooner.

      I am a newer member of this valient band......we all have different experiences but are bonded by the scourge of this sort of behaviour.I am sure you will be contacted soon by some of us with experiences similar to yours and we can all support you. 20 yrs. is a long time and the drip drip effect of this kind of situation over such a long period invariably leads to these feelings of inadequacy,exhaustion and agoraphobia so there is some comfort to be gained from knowing you are not alone and there people on this site who will be able to help you with practical advice.





      I need to put my earplugs in and retire now(!!>>>my nieghbours are champion all-night log-rollers!) but will follow your thread........



      All the best, Flo.





      Oh look....Michael CAN type faster than me!(Hi Michael).

      In fact ......my cat can type faster than me AND he has some excellent advice.(Michael;not my cat!)



      Flo.

      Comment


      • #4
        Mistyeyedreamer,



        I can fully sympathise with you and your husband, I live in an area where there is little overall crime but we are plagued with this nuisance behavior, generally the police do respond but are unable to take any direct action unless they witness the incident and I am ashamed to say on many occasions have often come close to taking the law into my own hands ... it is not until you are reminded by your friends and family at the risks of doing so and this is when I started to feel insecure, even helpless.



        I hope you find help from this site as I did, you certainly have been suffering this torment for a long time. The only advice I can give is the same as I have been given plenty of logs, pictures if possible and dont give the authorities any respite make them remember you.



        Our thoughts are with you and I wish you all the best.



        Best Regards,



        Ads

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi Mistyeyeddreamer



          A big, big welcome to the board! I'm glad you found us, and I hope by coming here you can unload some of the frustration and that sheer out-of-control feeling you must have. Sorry to hear your first posting didn't appear, I've done that once or twice when I've hit the "Preview" button after typing and thought I'd posted it!



          20 years........ You are remarkable in the sense, that you've managed to cope for so long with this, and in what sounds like an isolated situation, especially with the lack of police help. It just goes to show doesn't it - short term policing does nothing to effect the long-term causes and problems of crime - yeah, it may be ok while the police are driving around, but we hear this story so often, stand up for yourself and make yourself even more of a target.........



          But, what choice do we have? It's not right and it's inhuman to let our lives be affected and in some cases, ruined. Even though we feel like we have little energy, will power, courage or mental stamina to deal with this kind of rubbish, we have to.......and why? Because, we all have the basic right to enjoy our own homes and our own communities, without feeling scared, intimidated or bullied.



          Don't worry about ranting here, I can rant with the best of them!



          In your case, it's just the younger people / teenagers / 'young adults' of your community that are causing so much disruption? By the sound of it too, some of their mother's are standing up for them too, from your post. What do other residents have to say, can you join together - is there a neighbourhood watch committee?



          There isn't a quick fix sadly is there? It's about pestering people, not being ignored, insisting that your rights are upheld fully and fighting back (like you are so obviously doing already), and the hardest thing of all to do sometimes, is I think, to 'fight back' legally - not lower yourself to the tactics, bullying behaviour and cowardly tactics of NFH.



          I'm sure many members of our board will have bits of advice to offer (Angela will have lots of info in particular) and I hope you come back often to rant as often as you like, ok!



          Take Care,



          Matthew

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by floricicia@Nov 16 2002, 11:01 PM

            Greetings Mistyeyedreamer,

            * * * * * * * * * * * * * I have just got in from work (10.30!) otherwise I would have tried to acknowledge your post sooner.

            * * * * * * * * * * * * * I am a newer member of this valient band......we all have different experiences but are bonded by the scourge of this sort of behaviour.I am sure you will be contacted soon by some of us with experiences similar to yours and we can all support you. 20 yrs. is a long time and the drip drip effect of this kind of situation over such a long period invariably leads to these feelings of inadequacy,exhaustion and agoraphobia so there is some comfort to be gained from knowing you are not alone and there people on this site who will be able to help you with practical advice.





            I need to put my earplugs in and retire now(!!>>>my nieghbours are champion all-night log-rollers!) but will follow your thread........



            All the best,* * * Flo.





            Oh look....Michael CAN type faster than me!(Hi Michael).

            In fact ......my cat can type faster than me AND he has some excellent advice.(Michael;not my cat!)



            Flo.
            Morning Flo and Mystyeyedreamer!



            Gosh, do you want to trade cats? Although I love mine, Salem (very apt name for him) cannot type! But I am training him to become a member of the Cat Mafia like in the film "Cats & Dogs" and have him solve my NFH problem for me! Ha ha! So far he can jump on your back and do the splits!



            Sorry about the typing skills!! I am a PA by trade, the only male one I know, so I'm a bit of novelty!



            Sorry Mystyeyedreamer I think we are all mad here!



            Michael



            PS I am new to this site and I sent Tracy an email instead of a message, so please forgive me for any mistakes..... I apologise now Matthew!

            Comment


            • #7
              Michael, Nov 17 2002, 11:44 AM



              Morning Flo and Mystyeyedreamer!



              Gosh, do you want to trade cats? *Although I love mine, Salem (very apt name for him) cannot type! *But I am training him to become a member of the Cat Mafia like in the film "Cats & Dogs" and have him solve my NFH problem for me! *



              Michael



              PS I am new to this site and I sent Tracy an email instead of a message, so please forgive me for any mistakes..... I apologise now Matthew![/b]


              Hi Michael,



              Salem eh? Do you watch 'Sabrina The Teenage Witch' by any chance?!! I (cough, cough, splutter, splutter!) only watch it of course as Beth enjoys it (sorry Beth, gave your secret away there!)..........still to see the lovely Melissa Jone Heart (who really is incidentally, in her mid 20's!), it's well worth it!



              Anyhow.....ooops, I digress.........



              Our cat 'Meg' has dementia, seriously, before anyone asks - and doesn't remember an awful lot long-term past about 30 mins to be honest! She came from the RSPCA about 7 years ago (and had been abused by the male half of a couple undergoing a divorce) - so she only just 'tolerates' men at all, which isn't surprising really is it? It's taken Meg 7 years to be ok with me, without dashing off! But, she's very much Beth's cat and was perched on her like a parrot the other day (which in between my waffling, was going to be my point!).



              As for making any mistakes on the forum, ahhhh well, no one will mind, I'm sure Tracy loved getting an e-mail from you! I think some of the new things to get used to is making text bold, italic or putting a Link here, etc, very different to say, MS Word, but like all new stuff, when you get used to it, it's ok.



              I'm glad you and your partner (hi there by the way!) are getting some good use from the forum



              Maybe, I should have put some of that in the Animal Section........!



              Matthew

              Comment


              • #8
                Oh look....Michael CAN type faster than me!(Hi Michael).

                In fact ......my cat can type faster than me AND he has some excellent advice.(Michael;not my cat!)



                Flo.[/b]


                Floricicia,



                Your quite mad!! As a chocolate teapot........BOOM, BOOM!!!



                Maybe we should have a section for Cat's only.......so they can type what they wish there..................!



                How are you doing? Good I hope!



                Matthew

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thank you all so very much for the wonderfully warm welcome you have given me



                  It's so reassuring that I can come here and talk and know that you understand. Michael, I send you a big hug back, I'm so sorry to hear about your problems and it makes me so angry to think about those mindless yobs. Flo, thank you also for your welcome and your wit. Ads, thanks for taking the time to reply. And Matthew, thank you for your words of welcome and encouragement.



                  I've got a cat called Brian, he came home one day (after being missing for a week) with one of his eyes in a terrible state, it had to be removed. I don't know what caused it, but he's still as daft as he ever was We've also acquired a tiny feral kitten this week, sadly her siblings died, but she's doing great, her name is Molly My pets have been a great comfort to me over the years and I think it's an insult to animals to call the yobs who cause us such distress "animals".



                  I've taken on board some of your suggestions and will try and get some others interested in forming a group. I think the only reason I was listened to by the local housing office this time is that I threatened to talk to the newspapers about their inaction. hee hee. I still might do that I've also added a signature to my emails so every time I send one the NFH site will be advertised.



                  Once again, thanks for the welcome and making me feel at home. Take care
                  "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hi Aquarius, thanks for the welcome. I'm so sorry to hear about your problems. Although I go through hell with the kids outside, at least none of them live next door to me (fingers crossed, the house next door is empty, hope I get nice neighbours). The really bad thing is that the daughter of your neighbour is being deliberately cruel not just to you but to your pet.



                    I can quite sympathise with you feelings about coming back home. I know that feeling of dread so well. Whenever I do out, which is not often, I can feel the wet grey blanket of depression falling over me as I get closer to home.



                    We have occasionally had lulls when nothing happens but it's still impossible to relax because you know sooner or later it will all start again. Some of my neighbours and myself have tried a few times to sort out the problem with housing officials and police, they always promise something will be done, but it never is so people just feel totally let down. The strange thing about our "green" is that there is an identical "close" just a few yards away and they never have any problems. I think we must lie on some ley line of evil!!!!



                    This latest meeting I had included a police inspector rather than the usual "community bobby", so I'm hoping that her higher rank will count for something. Although I did go to a meeting arranged by our MP with the Chief Constable and he was less than reassuring, he thought it would take 10 years at the very least to change things! Sort of makes you want to find a convenient rock, curl up and die The words of my late father keep running through my mind "Nil Desperandum". I'll try, dad, I'll try
                    "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hi Angela, big hugs back to you



                      What a horrible experience you have had!! Did you tell the police about the threats to your cats? There was a horrible boy who lived at the back of me, he and his family had just moved in and he used to hang out of his bedroom window with an air rifle and shoot at birds. I called the police and the local housing office. The police called me back to make sure that when he was shooting the pellets were directed away from his property, I told them they were. They must have done something because I never saw him shoot that gun again!! And his family moved out within the year!



                      I also agree with you about parents who drag their kids up. When my son was about seven he and his little pal were "fencing" in the entry between his pal's house and another house. I later found out that one of them had accidently broken the tiny pantry window. I went with my son and made him apologise and we offered to pay for a replacement. The neighbour, an elderly lady, was gobsmacked that I'd done that. She was so nice about it and she made a fuss of my son. I think that incident showed my son he should have a sense of responsibility but it also marked him out for the other kids to bully him. You sometimes can't do right for doing wrong!



                      It must be so awful for you to be so near your home and see those thugs strutting around. What an example for the rest of the neighbourhood!! These people think they are untouchable and basically, it seems they're right. Why oh, why do the government make it so difficult for us to get something done? We get promise after promise but nothing changes. We had three houses allocated to three different members of the same family and they rule our "green", there are only 26 houses but the residents are mostly old, sick or disabled and it just isn't fair that they should have to put up with all this. One of my neighbours is half Chinese and he has been racially abused by these people but nothing is done. My ex-next door neighbour was also Chinese, a lovely lady, but she had to move because of all the racial abuse and I lost a very good neighbour in her.



                      Ok, ok, I've ranted on long enough It's just so nice to meet all you lovely people and to be able to talk, lets hope things get better for all of us sooner rather than later. Take care, all
                      "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hi M.E.D



                        Your boy with the air pellet story reminds me when I was about 14, there was a boy I went to school with up the road from me - he decided he'd aim his air rifle (or whatever they are!) at another boy from the school - that boy nearly lost his eye and had to have surgery as the pellet almost took his eye out, literally.................all deliberately.



                        Makes you wonder how some kids can get hold of the things so easily......it's not something I know much about I must admit, but surely, it's classed as a lethal (?) weapon. I mean, come on if cross bows, etc could be banned a few years back, then surely air rifles should be too.





                        I suppose it's like anything, if it's used irresponsibly, then, you can do damage with it. I expect on a lot of occasions though (if not all) this sort of behaviour isn't born with a child (i.e. nature) it's learnt and developed (nurtured) by the parents - kids learn bad habits off bad parents IMO.........



                        Hope your having a good day!



                        Matthew

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          From what I remember an air rifle can be owned legally by anybody 14 years or over but it must be covered or kept in a case if in a public place.



                          I think Tony Blair mentioned air rifles last week after the Queen's speech. Hopefully they'll be banned or at the very least licenced.



                          I'm having a lovely quiet day, thanks, but then it's a schoolday The trouble will probably start around 5pm. Just like vampires, vandals and pests love the dark At one time we used to get peace if it rained but some modern youth seem to be "too stupid to get in out of the rain"





                          Sending out thoughts of love and support to everybody and sending up prayers that everybody has a quiet evening
                          "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Hi M.E.D



                            It is good to have you here although we would all prefer not to be due to circumstances!



                            Firstly I have got to say you are a real trouper...20 years of hell, My heart goes out to you!



                            I am glad that you are here however even if it is just to vent your splen....we have all found it helps to rant about it otherwise you could go mad and after 20yrs I am amazed you are not!



                            I dont know what else to say as I would be repeating everyone else and nobody likes a copy cat!!

                            Opps back to cats again!!



                            take care and try and take it easy

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Well...... I had a very interesting phone call today, I don't really want to go into details here but hopefully, after tomorrow, if people are willing to say something, there will be some action taken to alleviate our problem.



                              If it works out I'll post details. Fingers crossed



                              Oooh, I'm all of a dither



                              Misty
                              "Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

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