hollygolightly
19-01-04, 12:23 PM
Received via e-mail:
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Ahhhhhhhh!
This explains a lot of things:
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking and thought, "How on earth did I get home?" As hard as you try you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house.
The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter. The Beer Scooter
is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus
the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch of these magical
devices. The Beer Scooter works in the following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer Scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their room via a Trans-Dimensional Portal.
This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passengers in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the second question after a night out, "How did I spend so much money?"
Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to
be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries), such as skinned knees and a sore spot on the top of your head. An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.
This answers a third question after a night out, "What the hell happened?"
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing
Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order,
those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one persons REMIT is not
necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite often-lost time is regained in
discussions over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the
scooters navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the
wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.
For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from
other peoples garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots
are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tiptoe up the
stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS
(Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the TAS
(Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently
get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get
home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T- Shirt.
Me? :angel: :rolleyes:
I know some people though who will be able to completely relate to this :wow: :P
-----------------------
Ahhhhhhhh!
This explains a lot of things:
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking and thought, "How on earth did I get home?" As hard as you try you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house.
The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter. The Beer Scooter
is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus
the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch of these magical
devices. The Beer Scooter works in the following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer Scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their room via a Trans-Dimensional Portal.
This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passengers in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the second question after a night out, "How did I spend so much money?"
Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to
be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries), such as skinned knees and a sore spot on the top of your head. An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.
This answers a third question after a night out, "What the hell happened?"
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing
Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order,
those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one persons REMIT is not
necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite often-lost time is regained in
discussions over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the
scooters navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the
wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.
For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from
other peoples garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots
are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tiptoe up the
stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS
(Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the TAS
(Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently
get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get
home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T- Shirt.
Me? :angel: :rolleyes:
I know some people though who will be able to completely relate to this :wow: :P