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12-01-04, 12:35 PM
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national Iinsurance number?"
Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."
Operator: "I must have your NIN first, sir?"
Customer: "My National Iinsurance Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998
Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 42 Meadowland Drive, and
the phone number's 0161-494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is
0161-745-2302 and your cell number's 0776-266-2566. Email address is sheehan@ home.net
Which number are you calling from, sir?"
Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"
Operator: "We're wired into the HSS, sir."
Customer: "The HSS, what is that?"
Operator: "We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add only
15 seconds to your ordering time"
Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas."
Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."
Customer: "Whaddya mean?"
Operator: "Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got
very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care
provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."
Customer: "What?!?! What do you recommend, then?"
Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it."
Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"
Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library
last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."
Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then."
Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, and your
2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is £24.99."
Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card
balance is over its limit."
Customer: "I'll run over to the machine and get some cash before your driver gets here."
Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn also."
Customer: "Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?"
Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir.
If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash,
but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."
Customer: "Wait! How do you know I ride a Bike ?"
Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got
repo'ed. But your Ducati''s paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday"
Customer: Well I'll be a "@#%/$@&?#!"
Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 4, 2006
conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here on September for
contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge." "Oh yes I see here that you just got
out from a 90 day stay in a Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your
return to society?
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"
Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 litre of Coke".
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering
free Cola to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this.
Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!
Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."
Operator: "I must have your NIN first, sir?"
Customer: "My National Iinsurance Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998
Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 42 Meadowland Drive, and
the phone number's 0161-494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is
0161-745-2302 and your cell number's 0776-266-2566. Email address is sheehan@ home.net
Which number are you calling from, sir?"
Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"
Operator: "We're wired into the HSS, sir."
Customer: "The HSS, what is that?"
Operator: "We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add only
15 seconds to your ordering time"
Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas."
Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."
Customer: "Whaddya mean?"
Operator: "Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got
very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care
provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."
Customer: "What?!?! What do you recommend, then?"
Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it."
Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"
Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library
last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."
Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then."
Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, and your
2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is £24.99."
Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card
balance is over its limit."
Customer: "I'll run over to the machine and get some cash before your driver gets here."
Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn also."
Customer: "Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?"
Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir.
If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash,
but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."
Customer: "Wait! How do you know I ride a Bike ?"
Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got
repo'ed. But your Ducati''s paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday"
Customer: Well I'll be a "@#%/$@&?#!"
Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 4, 2006
conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here on September for
contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge." "Oh yes I see here that you just got
out from a 90 day stay in a Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your
return to society?
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"
Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 litre of Coke".
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering
free Cola to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this.
Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!