Horrid day, Horrid colleague

[elm1981]

Help me VV long sorry, my office is usually a fun place to be (well as fun as work can be) where everyone just gets along

Yesterday one of the other women I work with (5 of us in all in here) waited for everyone else to leave the room and laid into me bigtime (I’ve never been on the receiving end of a vicious verbal attack like that before she is usually very blunt or I would say rude in her normal tone anyway but this was horrific), to the effect that I was arrogant etc and when I asked her why she thought this she brought up a conversation I’d had with 2 other staff members that morning (of which she was not involved) in which I and another colleague referred to ourselves as dogsbodies (we have a job more senior to her and she will do odd jobs for us (at her request) but doesn’t directly work for us per say). She has taken exception to this, misunderstanding the joke (that she was not involved in) and has now branded me the most arrogant person she’s ever met!

Now I did try to explain that nothing has ever been directed at her personally in a derogatory way or has been intended to be derogatory in any way and if any offence has been caused then I apologised but she continued to spout off this utter rubbish very aggressively that upon another staff member coming back into the room she stopped dead and made like it hadn’t happened. I managed to email my colleague to meet me in the loos in 5 and legged it to the loo where I promptly burst into flood of tears, I was shaking and so thankful that my colleague was there to give me a hug. The rest of the day she ignored me (our desks are side by side) the atmosphere was awful and I ended up taking an early dart because I felt so bad.

I stressed and stressed about it last night, talked it through with H and obviously somewhere along the way I’ve said something unintentionally which has offended her and it has snowballed. I have never said anything to her which is not work related when there aren’t other people present but it has been pretty obvious (to me and everyone else) that she has a problem with me for a few months and I just maintained the moral high ground and ignored her behaviour hoping that she would get over it!

I was hoping that once she’d slept on it she might prefer to draw a line under it and behave professionally (she’s almost 50 I’m 27 btw) but today has been awful. It’s like working in a morgue but less fun and the atmosphere is awful. I opened a door for her and said “after you” and she just said “after you” mimicking my voice, I just smiled but its really hard and I’ve asked my colleague not to leave me alone with her in the room (thankfully there are 4 of us today) because I’m scared she will start on me again

If she does I have planned to say “I would prefer that you have something non work related to say to me you would say it when there is at least one other person in the room” also “I hope that now you have got this off your chest we can draw a line under it and move on and maintain a professional attitude”

I am loathe to approach the boss about it, she isn’t known for being useful, and I don’t want to make a name for myself as a victim or a trouble maker so I’m playing it by ear. I’ve never had this happen before; friends have said I’m too nice that’s why she thinks she can pick on me. I hate that she is obviously upset and angry at me but I honestly don’t know what to do about it

Any advice would be gratefully received; also any stories of your workplace dramas to make me feel better

[Noise Stopper]

Hello Elm1981

I am going to give the same advice I would give to someone withan abusive neighbour, keep a record of when and if this happens again, and if you can keep a dictaphone or voice activated recorder to hand (possibly leave it on your desk out of sight so if she cjooses to do this again you have evidence.
Speak to your personnel (or human resources, or whatevber they are calling themselves this week) Department, make someone aware of this problem, if she is is going to start a campaign of low level nastiness, you may need to go down the bullying route on this one.

Good hunting

Ian :nfh1:

[Isis]

I have worked here for 20 years now, and in my opinion, 16 years too long, but that is another story.

We had someone here once, I think much the same thing happened, she said that the "girles" were taking the mick out of her because every time she walked past the desk they were making chicken flapping with their arms, if you know what i mean, she then said that they were bulling her etc etc. I was horrified when she told me, but you see sometimes we can all take things the wrong way, and then another colleague told me that the "girls" had sort of bullied her as well and I also had been on the receiving end of some not very nice comments espically when my Mum died, they all wanted to know "how much money I was getting" ummm. My attitude to that was, well they must be complete sickos if they are jealous of that!:o You see there is a gang of them that go in the kitchen for lunch, I do not, i prefer to go for a walk or sit outside, to get some air, and I don't think they like that, my reply, tough as I said I have been here 20 years, :p to them.

Anyway it all came to a head and the "girles" did say that it was a misunderstanding, with the chicken thingy, ummm I don't know I still have my doubts and it was proved that they had bullied another one and also proved about what they had said to me, anyway apologies were all said, hands shock and as far as I was concerned that was that, but even now, I don't trust them, but I do think the chicken business was blown out of all proportion, which is what I think has happened here, perhaps this Lady may feel left, after all you are younger than her, she is roughly my age, I know it should not make any difference but sometimes it does, I think you had best ignore her, not rudely, but just in future watch what you are saying and doing when she is around. Sorry work got to dash

[Annabel]

well, whatever she might think she heard it doesnt excuse being rude like to you, it is extremely unprofessional, not to mention cowardly to wait until she can corner you and then have a go, rather than discuss things in a polite fashion.

I can only say what I would do and I am afraid i dont take at all kindly to people acting like that, i would have it out with her, but first you will have to go to your boss and explain that an altercation has occurred and you are feeling very uncomfortable, but that you want to talk to the woman to try and smooth things over.

elm, i could go on for hours at the horrid situations that have occurred during my working life, but the best advice I can give you, is keep a record of it, report it to someone senior and above all do not get drawn into another argument with this woman. who knows what she might do next and we know how people can twist things, so keep your dignity as much as possible.

and dont let the stupid bat see she is upsetting you! so no more crying!!!!:cool:

[Planet 24]

Go to your line manager and tell them what has occurred (as unemotionally as possible;)) and that you would like to to try and smooth things out yourself but if this course of action fails you would like her permission to call on Personnel to act as mediator between the two of you. You need to put this to bed before it festers and yes - totally unprofessional in my opinion whether a misunderstanding or not.
There is never an excuse to lose your temper in public! :nono:

[sp54]

Sos orry you are going throgh this elm , you don't deserve to be treated like that at all :(

I can only echo what the others have already advised.

I hate bullies - wherever they choose to do their bullying, and you are right not to be left alone with her.

I hope you feel better soon and at the very least get an apology from her :(

Take care xx

[elm1981]

I do feel better a bit now, she's making a complete show of herself in front of everyone by being really huffy and rude and acting like a child so hopefully she will shoot herself in the foot there

I went out at lunch to guy some rescue remedy and has helped immensley and I feel a lot less stressed and tense

I have written everything down so I have it recorded and in letter form to my line manager, whether I send it is another thing, she is off until next week so I'll give this woman some time to see how things go

I do worry that with me being a temp and her a perm (I've been here only 2 months less than she has though) I might get the raw end of the deal if I start complaining and I've got my eye on my dream job they will be advertising here next year so I don't want to get myself a bad reputation IYCSWIM

Thanks guys so much for posting I'll be back to my usual self in no time I'm sure. I'm so embarrassed that I cried at work at least only 2 people saw me and not her, I've only ever done that once before when I get made redundant this just caught me totally off guard - my guard is up now so I'll have a fighting chance if she tries again

[Annabel]

glad you are feeling in better spirits elm. your story did remind me of one time when i flipped out at someone at work, gave them a right roasting, next day she handed her notice in. i didnt feel bad about it though as she had referred to one of our clients as a 'currymuncher'.:dry::dry: